I am spending my child support on dildos
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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