So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
COCAINE IS GR8
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
