You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
