Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
