did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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