ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
