dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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