Yo dont text me then not text me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
And then he peed in my hair
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