I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
