Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
