Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
