So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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