you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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