just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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