who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
