he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
