a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
