Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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