The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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