After last night, I could never be a politician.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
