So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
