you would pick up someone in the library
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
