does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
