My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
