if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is Oprah even human
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I love you.
Bad choice
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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