So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
