she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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