I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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