why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
