Don't make out with my wife yet
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
