Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
