Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
