My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
