I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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