I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so that wasnt chicken after all
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
