I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You're like the curious george of whores
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
