We're facebook friends in real life
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I deserve this hangover.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
