You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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