this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
