Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
