2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I supernannyed him into submission
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
