he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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