at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
