Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
