I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
