I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He passed out mid-signature
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
