I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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