Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
