Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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