I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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