My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize