I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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