dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
