My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
