Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
