I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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