I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
