Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
