even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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