wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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