Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
