So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
