**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
