hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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